i'm talking about things i don't really understand
1st of three notebooks (still transcribing)
much culling, no editing (mostly)
“Not everything I have to say is worth hearing,
but I'm worth talking to.” — me
i want you to live
as you wish to live
you need only want the same for me — anonymous
this site has not been optimized for anything
i miss your cool eyes
and all your dumb jokes
i miss your warm thighs
and regular pokes
i re-read all my books
and s-smoked all my pot
it seems i still l-love you
believe it or not
ps - as i'll never give up
too shall i relent
a word so awaited
in silent suspense
pps - 1 1000, 2 1000, 3 1000, 4 1000, 5 1000...
ppsn+1 - sss...
1/Φ+(ppsn+1)i - idiot
09.??.03 : 6 | mixin'
i like to mix mataphors
i'll shove in three to six or more
beat'em well and let stand
feed'em, hell, could lose a hand
stroke the pelt, beware the gland:
fetid stress all pouched away
a thoughtful mess all prepped to spray
agitation trips the trap
pop-deflated stink on tap
express + flee
spattered clots foul the page
towel off blurbs that make the grade
ill-conceived and incomplete
a fractured feat of play
the reflected light of day
dancing dark and darting
artful red sea parting
partly clear then drowning
dreadful explanations plainly failing
flailing, flopping sweat...
peace + peaceful reading
floating free + freely fleeting
light + breath receeding
sigh + you are sleeping
s l e e p
11.06.06 : 2 | please
do not change to please me
you cannot change and
you cannot please me
11.06.06 : 1 | them
they destroy all deemed competition
devour all seen unaware
mock that beyond comprehension
fear that immune to their glare
??.??.04 : 2 | shootin' straight
thus become the f a c e
full-filling the s p a c e
my reactions are not only precise + correct
but completely imperceptible
??.??.04 : 1 | shootin' straight
"if you'd just talk about it with me..."
master your reflexes
brace for instinct, don't blink
or say anything
'til after the bell rings
09.13.03 : 3 | do
futility defined: it...
whatever, just doesn't matter
matter does, but doesn't do
it hangs around with other stuff and chills
jams n'riffs, crams-to-fit irregular pegs into ir-
then somehow knows: from point to point
to shape the form that recognizes form
from deviated norm to replicating storm
of tools and trinkets and God brings guilt
while heards bring blankets
and caves give us shelter to stew
and the walls gave us something to do
09.13.03 : 2 | whu
out is in, so through
you can see the patterns
they can see you
watch them forming patterns
form one form two
09.13.03 : 1 | what does it mean?!
and that's all i'm saying. simple.
like popping a pimple of substance
just give a sharp pinch
ample goo 'round a core
still, left wanting more
whirling red blood curling out the hole of the head
a crystal clear little drop shines
a crystaline crust forms over time
busted, rusted, the end of the line is a dot. a spot?
no, a point.
that remains to be seen.
11.28.06 :1 | boss the toss schwag
Donít set your children off
with a pocket-full of answers
and a coin in one palm.
Turn them out with heads for reason
tailored to a future full of change.
04.02.06 : 2 | happy once
i rake a thumb across my eyelid, suck my teeth
chuckle, duck my head and set my feet
gonna be a good one
good to get it done
do it sooner, so soon over
someday maybe Iíll have fun
??.??.03 : 1 | frogturtle
at the low end of the spectum
an octave under achievers
a frog on a turtle
just watchin' the beavers
09.28.06 : 1 | who?!
allowed of late the least refrain
without call and as yet no claim
twin treats repeatedly i find
your blue eyes while resting mine
04.28.06 : 1 | click heals
never leave anything anywhere
an y w h e re
l e a v e
04.02.06 : 1 | understand
faith is not a blanket to warm you
a net to catch you
nor bright light
it is a moment-to-moment last resort
when reason fails to provide answers
thatís what God intended when giving us will
and imagination and fear, suspicion, humor, satisfaction
when these have failed or failed to be met
we toss a coin and pray for God to rig the flip in our favor
unfortunately, if He does, our faith is strengthened
our sense of security skewed, our objectivity diluted
we may tend toward flipping with greater frequency
thus, eyes averted
palms up and cupped to receive Divine Kindness
every obstruction, inconvenience, crisis or confusion
is righteously met without consulting our faculties
for some hint of reasoned predictability
a best course affording willful positive progress
a little perspective and a stabilizing confidence
that we really can do this
if we pay attention
believe in God
but Understand thatĖin His WisdomĖHe does not
feed your hungers or shelter you from Life
tsunamis sweep cultures to sea
children get cancer
Bin Laden hides in his cave
the Pope in a plexiglass bubble
09.??.03 : 5 | weee
cable car bodies dangle
far beneath tracking minds
grabbing light and launching forward
ever faster, ever shorter spans
conscious thought thumbs the flip-book stutter smooth
persistence of decision in a groove!
09.??.03 : 4 | cigarette?
nope! quit last week and haven't even missed it
wouldn't be smokin' now if you hadn't insisted
a word will shortly follow rhyming nicely with 'hack'
if not for non-smokers i'd still have half a pack
09.??.03 : 3 | definitely the first
a keening note of fervent zeal
a steamy mote 'scapes rectal seal
'tis thus i'm kept wincing
maybe a pattern? no.
maybe my birthday. so?
right. what's that thing?
mime wept when sing
blind deaf sensing, knuckle-pale probing
fingers fill the lobe in
to prop my brain up out of bored
incongruous coupling, pick me pick me!
toss it wobbling...
enlightenment is a flop
though, insight often pops! plops!
i'm an underachiever with a note from my mother
that will explain everything
forever dragging well behind
ducking hurdles keeping pace
hunting junk, blissful blind
best intentions written all over my face
"he'd never lie"
"he'll never win"
how do you spell 'adequate'?
add a quit
precision controlled barely
a brown belt in just good enough
goals approach with scary speed
the relative acceleration of impending achievements
a pointless straight line
and neatly checkered boredom
09.??.03 : 1 | post-beach pizza inn
two wizened elders
twin straw hats and striped shirts
a tumbling upright piano and clarinet
jus' kickin' the old school jams
dark oiled-beam benches
line long butcher block tables
roiling second-hand smoke memory
in a rainbow of beer signs
grown-up chatter just within reach
pitchers of cool beer
two-handed shakers of cheese
hay-haired and clammy
sun-sedate, neon cheeks
sand in my ears
tar on both feet
and it keeps getting better
08.??.03 : 3 | whoops
nu wehrrr tu poo mi-une-dees
nu wehrrr to poo mi-une-dees
nowhere to put my underwear
08.??.03 : 2 | abundance abounds
In another epoch the fossil record will play back the human race to minds we can't imagine. Over-abundant bones out-massed by the detritus of tools; artifacts abound:
Weber Grills and ballpoint pens, prosthetic hips and silly straws—a stratified mulch of manstuff just feet thick, another layer on onion Earth.
The boldest structures fail and fall, perishable.
The final mind's final thought, biodegradable.
I let myself make the decision.
I got some coffee and let it sink in;
I felt it sink in.
I shivered and sat with my cup on the kitchen floor
I took a sip and changed my mind.
08.??.03 : 1 | odd shit
there's some odd shit goin' on
once noticed, ignored
ignorance invites curiosity
some curious prodding
questionable answers fly
fly in the face
juicy fat words, buzzing
too busy abbreviating to care
carefully affixing helpful labels
laboriously clever little devices
divisive tools of progress
atrocity, complacency, ignorance justified
there's some odd shit goin' on
07.??.03 : 5 | hard hat zone (e)
Life's Breath™ Inhalers
should be available in the Fall
over the counter
for under $20.oo+TAX
07.??.03 : 4 | hard hat zone (d)
Genomic grail attained!
The genetic mechanism for biological aging
has been found and isolated.
A vestigial falesafe against pre-conscious evolutionary
misteps, once a crucial adaptation, now a hindrance
we need no longer select for.
07.??.03 : 3 | hard hat zone (c)
said the facts is
but two things are certain
death and taxes
07.??.03 : 2 | hard hat zone (b)
this shimmering glob
of mercury may
be the coolest toy
with which i've played
07.??.03 : 1 | hard hat zone (a)
floods come when
the bear in the mountain mourns
our failure as men
07.??.03 : 2 | tragic spasm
it's totally fucked up and it makes us laugh c o n s c i o u s n e s s
wait, that's not funny i n t e l l i g e n c e
and i'll tell ya why k n o w l e d g e
hmm, that sounds ridiculous w i s d o m
but you can't deny it hits the nail on the head t r u t h
07.??.03 : 1 | time
"I know exactly what time it is..."
Time, what is it?
"Numbers flipping and ticking and creepy sweepy hands
that move but don't move... there, see!?"
06.??.03 : 5 | dots bend
well, they have to in time
just very short lines
06.??.03 : 4 | yo hey i'm dumb
yo hey i'm dumb!
re-burned my thumb
while waitin' for that popcorn in the pot
anxious for a first determined *POp
oh yea they come!
soon m*re will drum!
all hop n'hum
they too are dumb
sure sounds like fun
yo hey i'm dumb!
06.??.03 : 3 | predators
the lizards act in tandem
move as one
flank and flatten
millions of years of haphazard fine-tuning
exponentially more kills in the bag
intensely focused ancestral impulses
free-range fly th'other side'o the glass
06.??.03 : 2 | wonderful
smells like coffee
shines like tea
pops are the foam
in the break of each wave
that will lap at the shore
of the most wonderful place
06.??.03 : 1 | insight
an insight duly seeded
in light of all needs needed
roots in now
and shoots and sprouts
wants like weeds
??.??.05 : 1 | driveway oasis
coffee + crosswords all day
wired + worthless
unshod + shirtless
i puzzle me troubles away
05.??.03 : 1 | navy
filled in my life with a no.2
no tough decisions
no false or true
bubblin' surfboards and rockets
and wait for the bell
tossin' lunch money
toward wishing well
03.26.03 : 1 | war
A Vietnam vet sports a
'War Is Not The Answer' pin
and sleeps soundly in his patio chair